Christmas II, III, & IV

Friday, December 24, 2010

It was a white, white world that morning. A sugar dusting. Something Puck at first confused with rain, after his 5:15 wake-up call.

Unfortunately… Dad had to work all day. So Original Christmas #2 was postponed until Sunday afternoon, while Alternate Christmas #2 took effect.

Puck had already been told about his present — the joy of helping children less fortunate than himself with the gift of the ‘share of an alpaca’. However, this concept, though not completely lost on a three year-old, was still only that — a concept. So OLeif had managed a maraschino cherry-red flashlight. Puck loved flashlights. He was very happy.

The snowfall continued in the late morning.

Puck walked around singing a tuneless Jingle Bells.

And he and OLeif spent most of their morning building a virtual world of stone, sheep, and ocean.

Then Puck found an old recorder…

“I wrote a song for Sun,” he said. “It says, ‘Jesus, take care of Sun.’”

Then he called up Carrie and played it for her over the phone.

“I didn’t want to tear your little ear drums,” he said to her.

Then when Collette told Puck to clean up his room, Puck wanted help.

“Mama! I’m waiting on your muscles!” he called to her in the kitchen.

Around the time of noon, the three departed to the house for Christmas III in order for Collette to make the potato casserole before the Combs family, Grandma, and Uncle Larry arrived. It was not long later. They came with the snow, already gracing the trees in the beautiful white upon evergreen and ghostly limb, as they always did.

As they settled in, it was soon announced that Mila, the dog, had batted off and broken nearly all of the ornaments on the Combs’ tree. And that Oreo, the cat, would climb the tree and nest inside it upon the branches.

“I don’t know why she thinks that’s comfortable,” Linus said, shaking his head.

“And Mila with those ornaments…” said Aunt Petunia. “When we leave her at home during the day, she gets bored. She even chewed up my first Bible.”

Then Uncle Mo talked about his fascination with the Kennedy assassination while Grandma asked Dad about the process of his dissertation.

“Well, get going on it, Snicketts,” she demanded.

“Listen to her,” said Uncle Gary. “Telling us what to do. I’m 53 years old, and it’s still, ‘Take this turn slow, Mo. You’re going too fast.’ I say, ‘Mom, I’m 53 years old! I don’t report to you anymore!’”

“Well, actually,” said Dad, laughing, “you do.”

Then they discussed the corruption of the mayor of Florissant and the lack of funds for retired ministers in the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod.

And soon there was a hot feast, during which most of the living room seemed to stay on the topic of Kansas…

“Kansas is the more boring state in the Union,” Linus was heard to announce. “There is a Mobil off of 70 though…”

And something about PETA… And Dad and Uncle Mo discussed starting a pizza delivery service called Two Guys and a Pizza Truck following retirement, in which they would carry a toaster oven in their car.

“We’d tag team it,” said Uncle Mo.

“Get frozen pizzas. Bake them while we’re driving,” said Dad. “Po’ boys…”

“That’s something to consider, you know. Even if we were using canes, we could still do it.”

Followed by a game of Christmas trivia…

“First question,” said Mom. “What is the most popular canned filling for Christmas pies?”

“Sweet potato!” Linus called out, laughing.

“Mince meat!” Grandma suggested.

“Mince meat?!”

Aunt Petunia guessed the correct answer: pumpkin.

“Ok,” said Mom, “What did George Bailey say that Mary Hatch’s house always smelled like?”

“Peaches!”

“Roses!”

“B.O.!”

In the riot of the moment, Collette never did hear the correct answer. And it didn’t much matter, because it was time for her, with OLeif, Francis, and Puck, to leave early for Christmas IV: the Christmas Eve service, where OLeif played violin and Francis passed out candles.

The service was one of the better that they had pieced together, with some beautiful music. And OLeif played O Holy Night. The evening ended with the lighting of the candles, in which no one was too badly burnt. Other than the hot wax.

“Please, please be careful,” Sinai had announced from the pulpit beforehand. “Especially for the ladies with long hair. We would hate to have someone go up like a sparkler…”

Back at the house, gifts and desserts were waiting. So while Mom and Aunt Petunia scolded Dad and Uncle Mom for prematurely dipping into the plate of goat cheese and crackers, where a chocolate trifle was already waiting… the ceremony began. And the loot started to amount…

For everybody: microwave popcorn wrapped with a fifty dollar bill, from Grandma, generous as always.

For Puck: a red plastic piggy bank filled with quarters and a Toy Story 3 audio coloring pad from Grandma, and a CAT digger from the Combs.

Linnea: ‘baker’s dozen’ earrings made by Aunt Petunia: hoops with removable glass charms (one being a silver cat’s face).

Francis: Storm Chasers on DVD and a Target gift card from the Combs.

Rose: Attack of the Crab Monsters on DVD from the Combs…

“How did you find this?” she exclaimed, quite excited about the fact.

Linus: a toilet mug filled with cash, which got quite a laugh.

Joe: The Tallest Man on Earth CD.

Lucia opened a packet of papers…

“Oh! A map out of town!” Larry declared, to laughs.

But it was actually a Groupon art lesson and cocktail downtown. And then a conspiracy theory book.

Carrie: two gift cards, and from Grandma: a blue-lit Elvis Christmas stocking that sang I’ll Have a Blue Christmas.

Collette: a beautiful dark turquoise blue with gold patterned dots journal and note card set from Grandma. And cinnamon incense from the Combs.

OLeif: a de-squeaker set for the house floorboards from the Combs.

Larry: Pringles and smoked sausage from Grandma, and a brass knuckles mug and pad of paper parking tickets that he could write and administer himself.

Mom: a Harry and David box from the Combs for both herself and Dad, which she said would be her and Dad’s ‘T.V. time snack box’.

Aunt Petunia: a basket with Victoria’s Secret slippers, organic whipped shea butter, and Mom’s words of wisdom book.

Dad: he had one of the best. Grandma, in jest of how Dad always noted her as being ‘the old buzzard’, had adopted a real live, honest-to-goodness buzzard at the Wild Bird Sanctuary, in Dad’s name. He, and everyone else in the room, thought it was hilarious. And a round of applause ensued. Certificate included.

“I’ve got a frame you may have for that, Dad,” Carrie teased.

Uncle Gary: also some winners. A blue lightbulb that had graced Graceland during Christmas, with a certificate of authenticity. And then Dad had recorded all of their old sing-out records to CDs on their brand new record player, in honor of all the old days when all the aunts and uncles were kids and had performed musical productions together.

Finally Grandma: a Harry & David tower of treats, the words of wisdom book, a hand towel with crawfish fashioned into fleur de lis embroidered upon it, and… an alarm clock with 126 recorded phrases by the English butler in Jeeves & Wooster. She was thrilled.

“Now that’s the way to wake yourself up in the morning,” Linus agreed.

As they departed for the night, the Snowball Brigade slipped outside: Larry, Joe, Linus, and Francis.

“Quick! Get her!”

“Don’t you dare!” Collette warned, ducking into the car.

Then came the volley. Many a direct hit.

A good Christmas.

A beautiful Christmas.