17 Dec 2007

Laffy Taffy

Sunday, December 16, 2007

It was time for another Senior High Christmas party. It was a small gathering, unlike the rowdy celebration two years before at the Snicketts, where Augustus had just joined the crazy crew. In addition, Joe, Magnus, Wally, Curly, and Bob Buckle were present. This completed the loud bunch. This year, however, it was OLeif and Collette, Ben-Hur, Susie and Sunrise, Augustus and Pablo, Rose, Mollie, Crusher Rum, Goofy Nickels, and Debbie Crample. Jimmy arrived half an hour late, just in time to miss the appetizers, including apples and caramel sauce, miniature pigs-in-a-blanket, and pink punch.

Dinner was prepared elegantly in the dining room. The table décor did not match the general personality of those present. Metallic chargers, place cards, napkin rings, peppermint candles, etc. The few potentially semi-awkward silences were soon disbanded when they cranked out the Laffy Taffy.

“Oh, jokes!”

For the next long period of time, almost everyone took turns reading the jokes off the uneaten wrappers of their Laffy Taffies in their favor glasses.

“What has 10 letters that starts with gas?” Augustus asked loudly from one end of the table.

Silence.

“An Automobile! Ha ha ha…”

There were groans.

“Wait. Gastronomy. Doesn’t that have ten letters?” Ben-Hur said.

He counted them on his fingers.

“It does! It does have ten letters!”

“That’s even better!” Augustus yelled and slapped Ben-Hur a high five from down the table.

He continued:

“Hey, Mrs. Popples, here’s a joke. In France, what do frogs eat?”

“Um…” Mrs. Popples thought about this as she continued pouring ice water. “Frog legs?”

“French flies! Ah ha ha ha ha ha…”

“I’ve got a better one,” Pablo smiled. “I read it the other day. It said: ‘What is yellow and wears a mask?’ ‘The Lone Lemon’.”

More groans.

“That’s worse than four year-old jokes,” OLeif laughed. “You know, the kind where the kid says anything, like ‘Knock knock.’ ‘Who’s there?’ ‘Candles.’ ‘Candles who?’ ‘Flames!'”

Ben-Hur, meanwhile, had become distracted by the place card holders, which appeared to be tiny silver apples. He held his over the open flame of a tapered candle in the middle of the table until it became covered in carbon.

“Oooh,” he said.

“Now look what you did,” OLeif told him, “The Popples are never going to have you back over here again.”

After more ridiculous Laffy Taffy jokes, they adjourned to the living room for the White Elephant gift exchange. Ben-Hur lounged on the floor with a giant stuffed elf. After the gifts had been opened and stolen, it was about time to call it an evening. Jimmy’s was a pair of dangling crystal earrings and a bottle of cinnamon bun body lotion. Perfect.

And that was that.

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