Lucia, Lightsabers, and Lunatics
Wednesday, February 2, 2005
Groundhog Day – Collette never heard whether or not the groundhog saw his shadow. However, the rather plump little fellow, the official groundhog in Pennsylvania, seemed more interested in going back to sleep than being applauded for, as the crowd seemed intent on so doing.
It had been a busy past few days for Collette. The biggest news she could think of for the moment, was that she had finished her degree, lock, stock, and barrel. It was Tuesday morning she had completed the final exam in Chesterfield and that night there was a family feast at Outback. It was the perfect way to end a degree. Conferral would take place March 18th in New York, however, Collette would not be going. She would enjoy having the diploma sent to her and beginning other things instead.
Monday had been an interesting and unusual day, out of the norm for some reason. They had spent the day at Grandma’s. On the way, Linnea and Francis were busy using the walkie talkies between themselves, two benches apart in the big green slug.
At Grandma’s, the small glass heart dish full of red M’nMs, was gone within five minutes. Carrie-Bri took a big scoop just as Grandma came over to speak with her.
“Carrie?”
Carrie stopped eating the candy and groaned, “I knew they were for decoration only.”
“No, no, no,” Grandma laughed.
She had, in fact, wanted to present Carrie with her early graduation present, and Mom with her silver anniversary present. Carrie received a beautiful turquoise and royal violet braided belt with blue glass and a silver buckle from the Navajo Indians in New Mexico. Mom received a pair of tiny silver earrings in the shape of hearts with little etchings.
Meanwhile, Linnea and Francis were dressing Grandma’s goose out on the balcony with a fur wrap and black top hat, like Fred Astaire.
“He’s saying, ‘Howdy, Ma’am’,” Linnea laughed aloud, pointing at the rather obnoxious looking goose.
Every month he received a new wardrobe piece which was eagerly put on by whichever grandchild was available.
Inside, Joe and Carrie were arguing over who was taller. When measured back to back, Collette explained that Joe might be a smidgen taller, as Carrie’s hair was slightly poofed in the front.
“He is not taller than I am,” she stood on her tiptoes.
Joe laughed and went on to sketching cars. He was still mortally tired from the Scout camp-out at Skyway Farms over the weekend. But he had enough energy to tell tales at lunch of the sledding party half-way through, between shooting off rockets and meals.
“And then we go flying over this edge,” he was saying, “and get like five, no maybe ten feet of air!”
Then Carrie went on to explain her latest venture with St. Lucia, Paige Popp, and Queens, that Saturday night. Of course, she had a comedic way of re-interpreting the whole story, but Collette knew it was as good as actually being there and watching it happen.
“So, Lucia and Queens met up with Paige and I at the mall. And they needed money for shopping but they didn’t have any – they spent it all on Taco Bell. So Lucia starts yelling to everyone she passes, ‘Do you have a dollar?’ ‘Give me a dollar!’ She even asked a security guard. And when they always said no, she says, ‘Well thanks for ruining my life because I only live in a box!’… Then at the pretzel parlor, Paige and I run off and hide, because Lucia’s like, ‘We’re gonna go over there and get that guy’s phone number.’ And they did. So finally, we decide to leave. I was so embarrassed. Then we heard from Louis and said we’d meet him at this coffee place off of Dorsett. I was thinking it would be a CuppaJo sort of place. But when we got there…” Carrie rolled her eyes. “It was like a computer nerd hang-out… all these guys with long hair and baggy clothes, who hadn’t seen daylight in like their entire lives. There was one Chinese dude sitting next to us with long hair and Queens dared me to start braiding his hair… Then they found this lounge downstairs with a couple of couches and ash trays. And so Lucia’s like, ‘I bet they sell dope down there. Take us down there, Carrie, take us down there. Bring your knife.’ So we all head down, and it’s dirty and freezing. And then we see these security cameras, and they start turning and following us. So Queens and Lucia start screaming, and they run upstairs, and all these nerds are looking at us like we’re weirdos. And then Lucia and Queens spill coffee all over Paige and start arguing over who’s fault it was. Then this dude comes over to us. He has a plastic lightsaber strapped to his side and he says, ‘Ladies, won’t you please come and join us in a game.’ And we asked him what it was about, and he says, ‘…there’s dragons and treasure and it’s really awesome.’ So I told him, ‘Oh, maybe we’ll come over in a little while.’ And Lucia screams, ‘No!’ So he bows and walks away, and then we slipped out. I was completely embarrassed. I even called Louis the next day to apologize for what happened. So then we dropped off Paige back at the mall because she had to be home by midnight. And I called the dude Lucia had met working at Columns awhile back, and I told him it was Lucia on the phone, and Lucia got so scared she started screaming, ‘Get me out of this car right now!’ And Queens’ like, ‘Lucia, he can’t see you.’ Then they start screaming out the window while I’m driving off. And they see this little teenager on the side of the curb, waiting to be picked up by his mom. And they start saying, ‘Do a dance, do a dance!’ And he said, ‘OK. Give us a dollar.’ So they started throwing pennies at him.” Carrie’s eyes grew wide, as she went on, “And he started doing some stupid little dance. And then I sped off, because this mini-van was coming up behind us, and I thought it was his mom. Then we did this drive-by shooting.” She began laughing hard, “While I drove past these girls in tank tops when it’s like twenty degrees outside, Lucia and Queens started throwing quarters at them, and screaming. Then, I accidentally did a burnout while I tried to get away before anything else happened…. And that was our Saturday night.”
Collette laughed during the entire story. She could just see everything in her mind. It was too Lucia-ish – the whole thing.
But as she laughed harder, her jaw began to ache so badly, and even more as they began revising Carrie’s bio into five hundred words for graduation. Literally, each graduate was writing an essay about themselves to stick inside a year book. Even Collette’s class, the first group to graduate from St. Charles, was far smaller, and only wrote about one hundred fifty words apiece. The first attempt resulted in the following:
“(Carrie-Bri) is the greatest cause of both laughter and graying hair in her parents, (Martin) and (Adelaide Snicketts). She greatly appreciates the time and effort they have put into teaching and encouraging her, as well as the friends and family in her life.
Throughout high school, (Carrie) enjoyed choir, cello, fencing, Tae Kwon Do, and Kuk Sool Won. In the past, she has also been involved in drama, madrigal dinners, English Country dancing, philosophy, and art lessons from her Grandma (Snicketts). Her academic interests lie chiefly in physics and molecular chemistry. In the realm of the arts, (Carrie)’s favorites include: “Death of a Salesman”, “Phantom of the Opera”, and “Muse”. Over the years, she has also collected nutcrackers, gold-plated leaves, and exotic instruments.
She spent many a happy year with her best buds: (Bing), (Kitts), and (Eve), putting on obnoxious plays every Friday afternoon, including: the renowned silent film: “The Death of Great Uncle Mordecai”, “Zorro”, and the highly acclaimed Chinese mime: “Thieves in the Orchard”. (Carrie) also enjoys terrorizing St. Louis with her cousin, (Lucia), and friends, hanging out at local coffee shops, rock concerts, and providing comic relief at family gatherings with her red-head cousin, (Samwise).
During the summers, she volunteers at the CEF center and has also worked, in the past, at the Kirk of the Hills food pantry.
She has spent many summer vacations with her family in places such as Atlanta, Mackinac Island, the Smokies, Yellowstone, and Kennebunkport, Maine. At home, (Carrie) enjoys baking her favorites: blueberry pie and baklava. She also teaches her brothers and sisters the necessary skills of tree climbing, pogo-sticking, and stilt-walking. She enjoyed several trips with friends and her Grandma (Combs) to New York City and a pilgrimage to Graceland to visit “the king”.
(Carrie) has always enjoyed expanding her horizons, whether it be befriending foreign co-workers, sky diving, or hiking the Grand Tetons with her family.
She is currently enrolled in the American Military University, majoring in Emergency and Disaster Management, and is preparing to test for her private pilot’s license. (Carrie) plans to study Mandarin Chinese and Arabic abroad in Hong Kong and Cairo, attend the St. Louis Police Academy, and obtain her E.S.I. training in Colorado, with the ultimate goal of serving on the White House detail in the United States’ Secret Service.“
After Grandma’s delicious chili with cheese and oyster crackers from the Mitford Cookbook for Christmas, she served Dobos torte, and began to tell a little story about her first and only experience with marijuana while working at the bank in the 70’s.
“Well, one day, I smelled something funny coming from another room, and I thought to myself, ‘Someone’s smoking something funny in there.’ So I say to Tony there, this big Italian guy and handsome as all get-out, ‘What are they smoking in there?’ And he goes in and comes back with a cigarette, two actually, wrapped in pink paper.” Everyone gasped, as Grandma continued, “And I was saying to Tony, ‘Oh, Tony, what’ll I do? What’ll I do? What’ll I do?’ And he told me, ‘If you get pulled over on the way back home, swallow ’em.’ So I come home, and Adel is getting home from school…”
Carrie-Bri cut in with, “innocently swinging her lunch pail and singing…”
“Oh, what a beautiful morning!” Mom took over, singing in her fake opera.
They all laughed at this, as Grandma went on, “So when Larry got home, we lit them, sniffed them, and flushed them down the toilet, and that was that. My only experience with marijuana.”
And so the afternoon commenced with Collette throwing rings with Linnea, while Carrie and Grandma watched a special on Cajun accents and other American drones. Collette read about Pie Town, New Mexico, in “Smithsonian”, and about the artist of the 80’s who wrapped pink cloth around islands.
And as they left, Grandma just received her infamous stuffed Oreo cow in the mail and hurried out to the van to let them hear it “moo”. All in all, it was a good afternoon.
And then there was “These Happy Golden Years” to read, Tuesday afternoon. Collette loved to read those books. They kept her childhood alive and she loved to see how very alike things were so long ago, to how she lived then. It was comforting in certain respects.