Radio Drama

Friday, September 30, 2005

The last day of September crept in cold. Collette put the kettle on to boil for tea almost immediately that morning. It was an inviting chill. She split open another banana and commenced her writing for the day.

Work had passed as usual. Although it was another afternoon that Collette had to spend indoors while the beautiful weather passed through. She managed to pick up the first volume of the Matthew Henry commentaries from the library. And she saw a large jar of ice cream parlor sprinkles on Jimmy’s desk, which was rather odd. But, honestly, there was rarely anything of great “amazingness” at work. It was pretty much the usual.

So they were off soon to see a film about “Oliver Twist”, at Magnus’ recommendation, although he had not seen it yet himself. Collette had never been a big fan of Dickens – he was a rather dark writer. But then again, it wasn’t every day they made films from his writing, so she figured it might be worth it to check it out.

Meanwhile, as she and OLeif were driving, talk radio came on 97.1 and a guy fondly known as Dave “Blubber” (by Izzy) – really Dave Glover – was relating a story of how he had gone to Schnucks at around closing time, for a salad. And this is how things ran down:

“So I was going up to the salad bar, and I asked the girl if it was OK if I got this salad, even though technically I was too late. And so what does she do? She puts her hands on her hips and she huffs.” [Insert some obnoxious sound effect] “So I’m like, no way am I letting this happen. I get my salad anyway and she just stands there, fuming. Then I ask her for the ladle thing she’s holding. And she throws the peas, man. She throws the peas!” [Insert some other sound effect] “So what do I do? I use my hands. I use my hands. I stick them in the cheese and the fake crab. What the heck is fake crab meat anyway? I’m 41 years old and I’m digging my hands into the imitation crab meat. And she is just, she’s just incensed. So when I’m done I close up the salad and I throw it at the corn on the way out. I wasn’t even going to give her the satisfaction…”

Naturally, it was much more of an entertaining tale if told by the man himself. But Collette found it amusing that he was paid so much to tell stories and make his co-announcer laugh his belly off for three hours every evening. The clip was followed by a jeweler’s ad for sapphires. Modern life was a most unusual thing when one thought about it, particularly in the United States. Most amusing…