That Old Tradition
Sunday, December 18, 2011
In which Collette’s 27th is celebrated one day early…
The day began with more chicken action.
And Puck’s contemplation of Collette’s approaching birthday…
“Mama, I think I know what you’re going to get for your birthday.”
“What’s that?”
“A library book.”
During Sunday School, Ray Bolger was giving the history of St. Nicholas, which included slapping Arius for heresy at the Council of Nicea in the fourth century…
“Well, he couldn’t be jolly all the time,” said Ray. “Arius was a very naughty boy.”
Back on the ranch…
Dad was feeling the beat to some of the Christmas tunes on the radio…
“Dad’s like one of those rides at the mall,” said Carrie. “You just keep feeding quarters to it, and it keeps dancing.
And Rose had renamed her cat: Madeline C. Bassett. Madeline from Jeeves & Wooster and C. for cat.
Francis was busy drilling holes through erasers, or ‘re-rasers’, as Puck called them.
Carrie, busy preparing the meal…
“Dad, if you’re not cooking, why don’t you take your little twinkle toes out of here.”
And then…
“Joe! You have ten seconds to move your stuff off the table or it’s going in the trash!”
“Yeah, well, I’m gonna throw you in the trash,” came the predictable retort.
“Boy, we’re gonna through you out on your ear if you don’t put your stuff away,” Dad added.
“Yeah, well, I’ll shave your head.”
And so forth…
Carrie had worked up Collette’s childhood staple favorite: grilled cheese and tomato soup. With the adult-acquired Caesar salad. The antics began as usual…
“Catch, Uncle Joe!” Puck shouted down the table, preparing to toss a wad of melted cheese.
This was quickly stopped.
Dad was discussing life in the Air Force…
“Well, I once played the United Arab Emirates’ national anthem. I had a trumpet solo when some dignitaries were visiting. A little trilly thing in the middle.”
“’Brings a tear to my eye,’” Mom envisioned.
“Mom,” said Carrie. “Why would an Arab have a southern accent?”
Mom laughed.
Then mention of how Rose, who always laughed at inappropriate moments, had lost it during the sermon the previous night when there was some story being shared about people’s houses falling over in Israel during terrible storms.
“She was laughing her head off,” Carrie explained.
Rose had no good excuse for this indiscretion and started laughing all over again.
Puck was dipping salad leaves in his soup. And eating them.
“Well, tell me when you guys are ready for gifts,” said Rose. “I’m going to go re-stain my coffee table.”
“I’m going to schedule a hair appointment,” said Carrie.
“Yup,” said Joe. “I’m rewriting the Declaration of Independence.”
Gifts were soon commenced, the primary of which had been the tickets to the Cardinals World Series Celebration, also including the World Series DVD and the jumbo Reeses peanut butter cups.
The afternoon continued.
Carrie had taken Rose grocery shopping the previous night.
“I bought four apples and three oranges,” said Rose proudly.
And Linnea had left after church to spend the afternoon with friends, decorating Christmas cookies and watching Meet Me in St. Louis.
Commander Keen revisited for OLeif, Rose, and Puck.
Carrie reported Lucia’s reaction to OLeif’s logo and business card mock-up…
“’O.M.G. It makes me feel famous. I feel like I could totally call the Olsen twins right now and give them my card.’”
And while Carrie was mumbling something about ‘starting a company that specializes in shipping useless people to Siberia’, Rose tromped through with a bag of laundry tossed over her shoulder…
“I’m missing a sweater with a hole in it. Does anyone know where it is?”
“Uh. Probably the trash.”
There were some laughs over Earnest’s new theme song, in the bull fighter theme.
“Here comes El Monstro!” Carrie announced.
Five o’clock found the green slug back at church to pick up Linnea where Judah brought Baby Hesed over to say hi to ‘Uncle Francis! Uncle Francis!’ and ‘Buddy Puck!’, who was in the back seat of the van, ‘Because it’s so bumpy’.
Somewhere on the ride out, someone noted a mobile car detailing business…
“They should make mobile surgeons.”
“Old Granny’s Brain Surgery.”
“We come to your house to mortify you, or whatever it is you call it.”
“Surgery the way Grandma used to do it.”
Then there was conversation about the nunnery…
“I’ve seen the nuns driving around in an Odyssey lately,” said Joe.
Cat names…
“Well, Dad had the most creative one when he was a kid,” said Carrie. “Meow Meow. And that’s when they knew Dad was an INTJ… All that creativity.”
Dad found this amusing.
Pizzas at Rose’s 1929 abode, with the usual expected razzing about ‘that part of town’ as they rolled up, teasing Mom about her perpetual optimism…
“Oh! Luther, that man is selling powdered sugar!”
“Let’s buy some homemade powdered sugar!”
“I’ll take six kilos.”
“Kilos. How very British!”
“Oh, Luther! Free flu shots!”
Mom was laughing.
Upstairs, three year-old Madeline the cat, sort of a chocolate peanut butter mix, who had apparently been uprooting the hallway carpet from underneath the front door, was a little shy to start, but Joe and Linnea soon warmed her up. Her cat motor was the loudest Collette had ever heard. There was also Rose’s Persian rug in cream, tan, and light blues. Her apartment was looking more and more Rose-ish.
Everyone lolled around with pizza while the boys chugged through a bottle of Rose’s cranberry juice and Rose officially invited Joe and Magnus to Pat’s Pub Night. Dad and the boys kicked the cat’s wicker ball back and forth across the floor. And then on the rug…
“This is a wrestling mat,” said Dad, clapping a hand around Joe’s neck. “You’re going down!”
“Dad! Shhhh!”
And a little Jolly Rancher fix for those who would.
“Rose,” Joe laughed, “you’re already the cool grandma who gives everyone candy.”
And finally to the Christmas lights drive through South St. Louis, which included a great deal of groans from Carrie and Linnea, who were not feeling well with the bumps down the road, misdirections…
“Adel, I’m going to pull over for a minute so we can look at the map.”
“Dad! Not here. This is a bus stop.”
“That’s alright.”
“No, Dad. They’re gonna think we’re the bus.”
“Alright,” said Dad, turning into one of the neighborhoods, “you can all start looking at the lights.”
“Christmas drive commencing… now!” Carrie announced.
“Christmas lights!” Joe exclaimed. “Woooo! Yeah!”
And some further imitations for Mom’s benefit…
“Oh, how very quaint!”
“Blue lights! So cute!”
“No Christmas lights! How very charming.”