The Old Insult Wars

Collette woke to a 6:00 alarm, as the Classical radio announcer began discussing the freezing impacts of magnolias in Tower Grove Park.
“They always get nipped,” he said. “It’s rather frustrating. I wish they could hold their horses a little bit.”
Meanwhile, OLeif was at seminary all day for rehearsals and services regarding Day of Prayer.
There was all of the sudden a baby boom that year. Spurgeon West’s wife, due any day now with her first child. Joseph Pi’s wife and Garret’s Raven wife later in the fall for their first children. And Lilli Black and Idlewild Redcoat due in September and October, respectively, both with their second.
Puck had his usual 20 minutes of sitting practice in the living room while Mom vacuumed and he sat with his pacifier in his mouth, one of the few times he was allowed it anymore.
At the end of his twenty minutes, Collette would adopt his strange dialogue temporarily to explain that he had to hand over his pacifier.
“Habba mow?” she asked.
And Puck understood, with tears.
He was quickly distracted, however, with a box of old toys that his grandma had brought out of the coat closet. He happily spent the rest of the morning digging around inside the many shiny cars and brightly colored plastic toys, calling out a “dank-cuum” every once in awhile for random favors from aunts and uncles.
Later, while Collette was finishing her Portuguese, she caught snatches of conversation between Carrie and the kids while Francis rooted around the kitchen for something to eat with a red blanket strapped around his shoulders. And Linnea brought her math books.
“Well, the police are your family,” Francis was saying to Linnea.
Some remark Collette didn’t hear…
“You come from a family of boneheads,” Carrie said.
Some other remark unheard…
“You’re not the sharpest crayon in the box yourself, Linnea” said Carrie as she stuffed a forkful of collard greens down her throat.
“Well, your brain is the size of a pea, and there’s lint flying around in it.”
“When did you see inside my brain? Prove it.” Carrie asked.
“Two years ago,” said Linnea.
“She’s delusional, folks,” Carrie announced. “Let’s have her committed.”
“Alright, bye, Linnea,” Francis giggled.
Linnea wrinkled her nose and went back to her math.
Some short time later…
“Collette, I’m bored. Can you do my math?”