The Return of Samwise

Christmas with the Snicketts and Blacks. One of the best days of the year. As usual, Collette regretted the fact that she had not brought a hidden camera to record all of the conversations between the 31 gathered there. Samwise had grown another foot. Would the soft-spoken humorous redhead every stop growing? Jashub still had the long Aussie hair, still single, and still teaching. Brit and Lilli’s Liselotte was beautiful, happy, and crawling fast. Everyone was happy to be reunited once again. It didn’t take the conversation long to turn to Carrie’s trips, Samwise’s new college experience, Bristol’s admission to the Airforce May 6th, and etc.

“So why all these trips?” Uncle Balthasar asked Carrie. “Missions?”

“Well, no, just for the experience.”

“Oh, and here I thought you were out saving souls.”

“Indiana,” said Fernando, looking at Samwise’s school t-shirt. “How do you like it?”

“Well, pretty good. But actually I’m transferring to Missouri this semester. I’ve decided not to take four and a half years of Chinese. And that was the only reason I was going. And I had to try to explain to everyone there that hoosiers are a bad thing in St. Louis. No one would believe me at first.”

“That is funny,” said Bristol. “Only people in St. Louis think that really. It’s like only we have toasted ravioli and Imo’s Pizza.”

“Yeah, and people think St. Louis is just country. I have two Japanese friends who are going to come visit here in St. Louis. For some reason they thing that everything but New York and L.A. is farmland. I showed them a picture of the St. Louis skyline and they couldn’t believe it was an actual city.”

“And dorm life?”

“Yeah, well, it’s okay. My roommate told me at first that he was going to keep everything clean. But then… he turned out twice as messy as even I am.”

“You know,” said Nerissa, “when Bristol was in the dorms, he and his roommate used to keep a giant box in the middle of the room that they’d pile all their trash into. And they wouldn’t empty it until it was full, like four months later.”

Groans.

“Yeah, we kind of have that too,” said Samwise. “But we don’t really know what to do with it when it gets full.”

“Just take it down to the person in the office and say, ‘Yeah, we found this. We don’t really know whose it is.'”

“Well, at least one of my roommate’s girlfriends likes to clean the dorm for us. I came back once, and she was vacuuming.”

“That’s a sure way to keep a good relationship going,” Uncle Clarence laughed.

“So, Carrie,” said Samwise, “do you have a job these days?”

“That’s a nice way of asking how you’re able to pay for all these trips,” laughed Uncle Balthasar.

“Well,” said Carrie, “my friend and I are starting up a business.”

“What kind?”

“We’re actually importing mini coopers from England and selling them here.”

“That’s awesome!” Said Bristol.

“Yeah,” said Uncle Balthasar, “why can’t you do something like that?”

“Oh, man,” said Samwise. “It’s so nice coming back from school. Mom makes great food. I actually weigh more than Dad now.”

“Yeah, Samwise, you get all the good stuff,” said Schroeder. “I have to scrounge when you’re not home. Mom only makes good stuff when you come back home.”

“Well, at least you’re glad to see me when I get back.”

And “Santa” had done it again. Like four years ago, Uncle Balthasar had brought out the mazes. This time, they were cube mazes. And, yes, hidden within the center of each cube was a one hundred dollar bill. They were a huge hit, of course. Joe was the first to crack it, within twenty seconds. Linnea came next. The Harvard graduates, Polly and Fernando, finished last. Generous as always, was Uncle Balthasar.

And so it went until 8:30. Carrie was thrilled to discover that Jashub also liked MUSE. Frances and Linnea were busy carving up the giant chocolate Santa Clause on the dining room table. Frances added a candy cane pipe with cotton ball smoke. Someone had whittled out the eyes and carved out his rear side, filling it with pine cones. Oh, the vandalism. The evening ended with a promise of everyone gathering once again the following September for Amanda’s wedding.