Those Hilarious Old Noir Flicks
Friday, December 23, 2011
In which the quiet Christmas week nearly concludes…
OLeif had brought back a large half-consumed Christmas tin of gourmet trio-popcorn late Thursday night.
Unfortunately, all it took was for Collette to mumble something about possible ‘germs’, and Puck had dumped out the entire thing into the trash without hesitation…
So with that preface to the morning…
First object of the day – creating Christmas munchies. M’nMs melted on Hershey’s kisses melted on pretzel squares. Puck unwrapped every last chocolate and didn’t attempt to eat a single one.
Then when Collette asked him for his ‘preference’ for breakfast, he replied…
“I ‘perview’ nothing.”
Second task:
Chicken hunting.
Puck kept watch by 7:14 from the patio door.
“They’re ready to be captured!” he declared. “I’m going to go capture them by myself!”
No success.
The chickens flew the proverbial coop.
And a blast back to 1999 for the morning while the boys got the oil changed and Collette typed miles and cleaned.
Followed by the library (twice) including histories of side streets in St. Louis, and photo copies, and checks and notary at the bank, sugar free cherry pie for Aunt Petunia amongst other Christmas preparation groceries and paperish goods, post office and stamps.
Late lunch after three.
And a bike ride for the boys while Collette continued with the maddening amount of papers.
Christmas bath for Puck.
Movie night began at seven with requests of Whole Grain Cheez-Its and chocolate milk by Magnus, who ended up missing the whole thing due to a meeting, some Samuel Adams for the boys, and potato chips and onion dip for Rose, including Grandma’s cookies, Carrie’s mint truffles, and Rose’s choice of film from Bing’s collection: The Maltese Falcon, as Bing and Carrie had also joined them once again for the evening. Carrie was in a huge huff about alleged bunny abuse and wearing the new medical corset for her battle-wounded rib.
As the leading lady emerged wearing a shawl of thick furs, Carrie was up in arms…
“I just hope that when aliens visit Earth, they don’t think the same thing about our skin.”
“Was Humphrey Bogart actually considered a hunk?”
“I don’t know how he could have been… I mean, that tie for one thing…”
“I’m so glad they don’t have phone booths anymore,” said Rose at one point.
“I wish they did,” said Carrie. “They’re so romantic.”
“What’s romanic about a phone booth? It’s covered in diseases!”
“Next week,” said OLeif, “We’re going to start movie night by sculpting Playdough. Avant-garde night. What does ‘movie’ mean to you?”
And the script. Oh, the script was classic…
“You break the news to Miles’ wife [about her husband’s murder], Sam?”
“How’d she take it?”
“I don’t know anything about women.”
There were the expected comments from Joe, spinning around in an office chair…
“Naughty! Naughty fire!”
“You untamed stallion!”
And during the montages of men being followed down shady streets sashed up in trench coats…
“Wouldn’t you always just assume you were being followed in a Noir film?” OLeif asked.
“Did they make any documentaries about Speakeasies?” asked Joe.
“Sure,” Carrie replied. “It’s called Great Grandma Jewel’s home videos.”
And then some of the classics from Rose, such as…
“Kissing brought us out of the Great Depression!”
And later…
“When you’re slapped you’ll take it and like it.”
“I should say that to my brothers,” Bing teased.
“Do you say that to your brothers?” OLeif laughed.
“Every day.”
“Basically,” said Rose later, as the plot thickened, “don’t trust anyone wearing a hat.”
“So… you can’t trust anyone,” OLeif laughed again. “Basically only the guy sweeping the floor can be trusted.”
When the ‘he must weight 300 pounds’ guy made his debut…
“He kind of looks like the mayor from Thomas the Tank Engine.”
The windows seemed to be constantly billowing from the nightly winds throughout the film.
“Rose, you need curtains like those in your apartment,” said Carrie. “Haunted curtains.”
The film concluded not long after nine.
Then OLeif, Joe, and Magnus, joining them at the last minute, departed to meet Augustus Honey at the movies for a 10:30 showing of Tin-Tin.