Until Later, Sheriff
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Kate Middleton was vacationing.
That meant hours of computer screen and folding paper for Collette, spread out over three days, which was always a a blast of adventure and excitement, on par with riding an elephant through the jungles of India, chased by Bengal tigers.
Henri packing up boxes over a sack of Chick-fil-A.
Twelve-minute phone conversation with Judah regarding mail and thank-yous, on their merry way to visit family in Illinois.
Babe Ruth breezing through to take out the trash before another meeting and writing a homily for the mission downtown that night.
Ray Bolger picked up a tax exempt form…
Quiet as a tomb.
Then a news blurb rolled in about Andy Griffith passing away at age 86 at home in North Carolina…
“I have a surprise for you,” Mom sing-songed as she picked Collette up at one.
“Chocolate?” Collette suggested.
“Don’t guess,” Mom grinned.
She wouldn’t have done it easily – a new Molina t-shirt printed in sparkling gold lettering. One of the few times Collette didn’t mind donning something obnoxious. There was also a personalized Cardinals keychain.
After Mom napped, she prepared the red, white, and blue cupcakes with Carrie’s assistance while Collette mixed the jigglers – universally unsuccessful with Jell-O – all those cattle bones. Hence accidentally stirring up just regular Jell-O instead of jigglers. Apparently there was an actual difference.
Good grief.
“Puck,” said Carrie. “Could you be the pinata at my next birthday party?”
Puck was not partial to this idea.
“Oh! I know,” Carrie continued. “Could you jump out of a cake for me and do a dance?”
“Well. Sun… How about if Crackers jumps out?”
“I don’t think so… she’d get fur in the cake.”
“Well, you could have a plastic cake.”
When the cupcakes were frosted, Carrie split one with Collette.
“Oh! Gag!” she grimaced, pushing the cake back to mom. “This is horrible!”
“What?” asked Collette, halfway through hers.
“This is so bitter!”
– Carrie ran her mouth under the faucet. –
“Can’t you taste that?”
“Nope.”
“Ug blucgfergubh,” she gargled and spit. “It’s the food coloring. That’s horrible. I’ve got to go brush my teeth.”
No one else seemed to notice it. Of course this was coming from the girl who tasted the staple in a tea bag.
Pumpkin continued to fatten. Like a bloated pressed bear rug, in miniature form.
In tribute, everyone watched the old “Andy Griffith Show” over dinner.
“Wonder if that honey mustard is the reason I got sick last night,” Dad mused.
“When did it expire?” Collette asked.
“I don’t know.”
Collette checked the label…
March 17, 2011.
“No wonder. You’ve been eating mustard that expired last St. Patrick’s Day.”
Firecrackers popped into the night.
“Andy was a person of incredibly strong Christian faith and was prepared for the day he would be called Home to his Lord,” – Cindi Griffith, Andy’s wife