When Worlds Collide
Friday, September 23, 2011
In which worlds collide…
With the first day of autumn…
“Guess what I found, Mama. The most ‘splendist’ cereal!”
Collette couldn’t exactly categorize Shredded Wheat as being splendid. Even if it was frosted. But then, she also wasn’t a four year-old boy.
As the morning progressed, Puck got a kick out of the oversized Buzz Light Year that OLeif had brought up from the basement the previous evening, while the animals were fed, and the skies could have been labeled: London-Fog.
In the middle of the morning, Puck enjoyed his faux-vacation hour of popcorn and British sheep clay-mations.
And Sebastian may, or may not, have consumed a couple of acorns auspiciously left on the living room floor.
Just as lunch was being completed, and the tell-tale orange carrot ring had appeared around Puck’s mouth… Mom called to send them outside. A large Howl’s Moving Castle-sized blimp chugged through the air above them.
“Carrie says to tell Puck that she sent it to him,” Mom said.
Puck giggled.
The afternoon tapered in, following a pesky line of Swedish Viking-Kings, that simply refused to quit until it had run through all the kings of Troy, including the founder, a king of Ethiopia tossed in for good measure, and back down to Adam.
And come evening, while OLeif battled the elements, whatever they might be, at Babler State Park, the kids showed up for When Worlds Collide. It was the usual rattle of comedy…
Magnus walked in, telling about his life-sized crayon drawing of Olivia the Pig with razor teeth, Starbuck’s in one hand, coffee cake in the other.
“Is that… coffee cake?” Carrie declared the question.
“Uh… huh…?”
Carrie the human being quickly transformed into something just shy of monstrous…
“GIVE ME SOME!!!!”
She was distracted, however, by painting Rose’s ‘circle nails’ the color of her new car.
The movie commenced.
“Every movie would be more funny if they put Tina Fey in the lead role,” said Carrie.
“Like that game I made up,” said Rose, “where you put Nicholas Cage in the lead role of all the old great movies.”
“Gone with the Wind.”
“Meet me in St. Louis.”
Immediately, the boys were off on their impersonations of all the great lines throughout cinematic history.
Washington D.C. was next up on the screen as the world was plunged into the doom of a careening interplanetary object rocketing towards them to imminent destruction…
“Look. There’s the White House. Obama’s in there right now.”
“No need to… panic? The situation is… under control?”
“I’ll have a beer… with the planet.”
About this time, Joe pulled out the back-scratcher and started messing with Magnus and his head.
“What the… Is that Princess Leia back there?”
The rocket was prepared for loading. A library for the new civilization on Planet Zyra: The Holy Bible, books on agriculture and animals, Shakespeare…
“Catcher in the Rye. Definitely we need to bring Catcher in the Rye,” Joe teased.
“Don’t forget Twilight!” Carrie screeched.
And the necessary load of animals…
“I’d put Earnest on that rocket,” said Carrie.
Joe scratched Magnus’ elbow with the back-scratcher…
“Does that just hit the spot?”
“It’s hitting something…”
Somewhere in this narrative, Joe reminded Rose of her upcoming marriage-pact with Augustus Honey…
“Nine years left,” he teased.
“Eew,” Rose probably said. “Thirty is too young for that kind of thing.”
Magnus brought out the Cheez-It box. Joe started scratching that, too. Magnus responded by allowing the box to react like a muppet…
“Ooh. That’s nice.”
“Sounds like a cross between Miss Piggy and Yoda,” said Carrie.
As doomsday approached, impersonations of President Obama continued…
“Let me be clear… We are all… going to die… But we’re still proud to be… Americans.”
Then Rose announced their intention to go hiking the following morning, inviting Magnus to accompany them.
“Are you going hiking too, Carrie?” he asked.
“Ha ha. I wish.”
Magnus laughed…
“Earnest. In hiking boots!”
A few romantic scenes tossed in here and there for the Danny-Kaye look-alike…
“’Oh, I love it when you talk science to me.’”
Somehow Francis was discussed at some point…
“Francis is a robot. That’s why I have to text ‘Respond’, when I want him to answer,” said Rose.
“This morning, his and Dad’s alarms were going off at the exact same time,” Carrie added.
“He drinks so much milk,” said Joe.
As the refugees began to pour into the rocket camp, Technicolor was proving its best work…
“Oh my goodness!” Magnus exclaimed. “Those greens have never existed anywhere!”
“Elfland,” Rose replied.
“Oz,” added Joe.
As mayhem commenced, towers toppling, building ablaze…
“Hey, that scene was from Gone with the Wind.”
Bridges collapsing…
“Oh, there goes Thomas the Tank Engine.”
And the evening just couldn’t be complete until Joe and Magnus employed themselves in an eyebrow-plucking contest.