Collette

And now for something entirely different...

08 JUN 26

Slow growl of thunder on the other side of the window that morning... The kids are scrounging breakfast in the kitchen... but since Yali claims that the Frosted Flakes smell of “metal and static” they're more interested in the boiled eggs I've got ready on the

04 JUN 26

Somewhere that week between the orthodontist and more brick work and deep summer cleaning and babysitting... pull out the 129 year-old honey-red violin for a few minutes to see if I remember “Ashokan Farewell”... comes back to me in pieces... But my attention can’t be given to

02 JUN 26

Yali’s arranging his Andrew Garfield Spiderman into dozens of different poses while we wait for the call back to Cardiology that morning... action figures effectively distract from hospital nerves... Echocardiogram... watching “High School Musical” on the wall screen... not exactly Yali’s top pick but it’s still a

30 MAY 26

Quotes from my boys the past few days... [YALI] : “I'm never going into the military because no one's cutting this gorgeous hair off...” [PUCK] : “Mom would you be a doll and put a new sheet on my bed while I'm gone?” [YALI] : “Can we

27 MAY 26

School’s already been out nearly a week... the ceremonial math workbook burning has also been completed... And yesterday’s first trip to the creek for the summer was successful for both not-so-tot tots... lazily floating in their giant pink donut inner tubes down crystal waters while I

25 MAY 26

“Yali... it’s time to clean up your stuff now... it’s everywhere...” Yali stares... thoughts cooking... walks off mumbling to himself... “Where’s that blowtorch?”... Now maybe this is an omen of portending issues and how they could best be resolved... or maybe it’s just another day around

21 MAY 26

It’s about time to close another school year when they’re using their wooden folding chairs to ram at each other “like mountain goats!!”... and Patience names one of the primary crops of the United States in the 19th century as “butter”... and Yali is wearing a giant plastic

19 MAY 26

Yali and Patience are straight-up goons throughout the full day... doesn’t matter if we’re discussing diameters of circles or automatic flour mills of the 18th century or asteroids... they are full-time fighting dawn to dusk and they don’t care who they’re taking out in

18 MAY 26

It’s a sinister sketch of vampire-dark storm somewhere in the west that morning... Before it breaks the dog is busy barking at squirrels... Yali is probably busier crafting fake cuts and scabs onto his face for mock battle wounds and occasionally throwing a cushion at Alexa for being

17 MAY 26

“Turtle...” Oxbear nods at the crosswalk ahead... Driving to church early that morning and the light is red... but not for the turtle... he’s hoofin’ it across the road like he knows exactly what’s going on and all traffic pauses even after the light turns green... “That is

14 MAY 26

We’re at that peak in the late middle of the week between Puck and Patience aggressively slinging clean sock rolls at each other across my room and Yali’s unhinged laughter from the basement as he tries to dry off himself and Patience with the shop vac after jumping

12 MAY 26

It was a three-mouse night for the fat yellow cat now rolled smugly on the footlocker under Puck’s bed... The dog... maybe feeling her value as a house beast drop some after being unable to participate in this night-long event... consoles herself by shredding a plastic spoon

11 MAY 26

Monday morning begins with a mouse still at large... saw him slip into the thin gap between the door frame and the floorboards last night... waiting trap is still unsprung... “Eggs and toast…” Yali mumbles lethargically emerging from his tented bed... the almost-teenager is becoming more and more teenager.

07 MAY 26

Yali and Patience are sitting at the breakfast table harvesting the remains of last night's “candy salad” from the studio... gummy worms wrapped tightly around their fingers like multi-tone glass rings... the dog is also halfway through gently gnawing one of these gummy worm rings off Yali&

06 MAY 26

About the time I’ve too eagerly hit snooze for the third time that morning... Patience is chatting at hurricane speed in my ear... then spins over to Oxbear because I guess I’m not responsive enough yet... “You what now?”... “Can I read this book I found?... it’s

05 MAY 26

“You guys are really going through the apples this week... I hope you’re actually eating them and not just throwing them at stuff...” **crickets** There’s no time to deliberate over produce cemeteries though... whether they be stomach or the side of my car??... those fractions won’t multiply

04 MAY 26

Yali’s sitting at the table early that morning... bowl of Froot Loops in front of him... piece of leftover Domino’s in-hand... staring me down with the kind of face that reads... “Please don’t make me learn how to convert mixed numbers to improper fractions today... I’

03 MAY 26

Cracking out of dreams at six-thirty... cave crawling into Myst-lit auditorium serving paper cups of cave-cold strawberry-lemon ice cream and lavender cookies... Two hours later... kids kicking at each other sideways in the church pew... keeping it quiet like no one will notice... swipe... swipe... swipe.

30 APR 26

A day in the life of Collette... Soft-boil eggs for breakfast with Spanish oldies playlist... Writing lesson with Patience editing her romance novella... Math lesson with both kids with all the usual protests... History lesson discussing Canadian government abduction of native children into the 1980s (Sixties Scoop)... while Yali

28 APR 26

Yali’s wrapped in stacks of chains plastic and metal and silicone awareness bracelets getting all sneaky with the box of Buc-ee’s fudge from Oklahoma for breakfast slammin’ back as much as he can before I notice... “Quit that Yali” // “But Mom!!”... Oxbear calls during Math driving home

25 APR 26

It’s within the early hour of three o’clock that a crashing rattle of something falls over in the kitchen and wakes me... I almost ignore it but... Puck’s yellow cat stares at me guiltily from the end of the hall... “What did you do?” I bark-whisper

23 APR 26

Puck is currently inspecting the deep red enamel of his Fiestaware lunch plate decorated in fried chicken with a side of raw spinach... which he requested... looks challengingly at Patience... grabs the entire arrangement of greenery in one fist and stuffs the whole thing in his mouth... Patience’s eyes

22 APR 26

It’s a patch in the day between obligations... Dog is aggressively sunbathing by the old stump early that afternoon... panting against the dazzling fireball and increasing heat but refusing a water break... she just wants to be with her kids... Puck has dragged the trampoline up to the top

21 APR 26

Dishwater leaking all over the kitchen floor... figure that out later... or they'll never finish morning classes... Patience on page 53 of her handwritten novella... Yali preparing paints and brushes to embellish the Big Foot action figure he bought years ago at Art Mart... hands me a detailing

20 APR 26

“Does this look like real blood?” The question is solemn... Yali takes his SFX arts seriously and he’s curious if the five layers of burned-and-bloodied tissue on his face look authentic enough for a film set... he’s getting good at it... Meanwhile his sister can’t

19 APR 26

Waking to a tight 38 degrees under Sunday sun... The shower is already humming... Yali never misses a church morning wash anymore... while Oxbear spins up some “hash brown sea urchins” with his mandoline in the kitchen... the ever-experimenter in the culinary arts... A couple of hours later Yali

16 APR 26

Patience is cracking open a box of queso dip to accompany tortilla chips that morning... they would have been loaded but “someone” left the guacamole and sour cream out all night... “That’s not breakfast...” I tell her... // “Oh PLEASE!”... pause... can’t be much odder than the Colombians drinking

14 APR 26

Yali’s sitting at the table that morning splashing Frosted Flakes over yesterday’s mail... “Oops...” still recovering from a late night of kickball with the great-grandson of Ted Drewes at Scouts amongst other friends and maybe a few bruises... Patience hadn’t found sleep early either... and whether

13 APR 26

Patience is buried in improper fractions that morning while Yali shovels a three-stack of pancakes down his throat layered in maple syrup... anything to delay Math... clears his plate then slips outside for some unknown self-mission returning later to ask... “Does anyone else smell static?... you know like

12 APR 26

“PATIENCE! CAN YOU PLEASE NOT TOUCH ME! I’M TOO COOL!” Maybe it’s a tone to set the day... Patience doesn’t seem very bothered by the scolding though... she’s familiar with outbursts of annoyance from her brothers and twenty minutes later she’s sitting in the church

10 APR 26

“Boys! BOYS!”... It’s a familiar call to quits that is almost universally ignored in the middle of any brotherly brawl or otherwise... “Boys seriously! You’re about to knock off the... there it GOES!”... Pause to catch the second of three framed prints falling off the wall this month.

09 APR 26

Forest Park is spilling over in humanity that morning... no parking available for our intended field trip to the Art Museum... “Let’s go home...” Puck suggests... “Actually...” **wheels spinning** “let’s do Gus’ Pretzels...” // “Yes! Yes!” // “Gus’ Pretzels!”... the votes are coming in from the back seat... Okay okay.

08 APR 26

“Aw gross GROSS... she smells SO BAD... the dog smells SO BAD!”... Yes... yes she does... Puck emerges from his room to check out his siblings' exclamations over the eau de stink emitting from the basement... “Oh yeah...” he muses almost contemplatively... “I saw her eating something in the

07 APR 26

“It's all done?” // “Yup... no more reporting to the brown hats”... Puck thumps a blue folder of paperwork on the dashboard as we turn off Washington and drive for home... nearly a year after the first inquiry form was submitted and here we are again in another unexpected

21 FEB 26

Sky is all cream and slate in the morning... passel of soft snowflakes... nothing staying... And while I spend my morning sneezing into a pile of tissues... Yali occasionally comes back to consult on things like which primary color of face paint crayons should he rub through his hair and

20 FEB 26

In an unexpectedly quiet and also cold Friday... after Yali delivers his art piece to Powell Hall for next month's awards ceremony... he prepares to leave for a new experience at Top Golf with a friend followed by some put-put... and as expected he picks it up

19 FEB 26

On 30 days of Puck being away now... and the house feels it... Also... there's no helpful distractions during math class while Yali and Patience scratch through pictographs wishing big bro was available to stir up some trouble... But they still slog into it anyway... and by the

18 FEB 26

Kids sleeping in late... they always internally sense when math work sheets are waiting for them... While I prep plates of toast “with Irish butter!” which Yali has been insisting on lately... he walks out with another of Puck's old NASA tees tucked into his jeans and an

17 FEB 26

A little short on sleep again as Puck's cat spends part of the night wedged up tightly against me under a cold fan and he isn't moving... And because it's Chinese New Year Patience gets to swap classes for K-dramas... the lack of

16 FEB 26

It's a school holiday so Yali is busy conducting intense research for his Spiderman costume embellishments while Patience prepares scrambled eggs for them both... Yali cleans his plate but finds himself still hungry... sensing that he might get another plate if he tries a little winning of friends

15 FEB 26

It's another alarm in the five o'clock hour for day two of competition downtown... Patience is already rushing around hunting gaffers tape for the bottom of her hard shoes... “What? Who took it?” // “You don't remember?” // “No...?” // “I distinctly remember Puck asking to borrow

14 FEB 26

Awake a large part of the night with Puck's cat who feels the need to repeatedly tap dance up and down my legs for no reason whatsoever and when I finally do fall asleep he rams his snout into my ear for also apparently no reason and by

13 FEB 26

It's almost nine o'clock in the morning... Patience and I still watching a travel documentary on North Korea while eating through a bowl of mixed vegetables and rice and beef scooped out with Swedish crispy bread... Oxbear and Yali are leaving for Lava Island again meeting

12 FEB 26

We're in the eight o'clock hour prepping proper and improper fractions while Patience is already busy wondering how there's crafting glitter in her breakfast rice... We sift out a few hours of classes together before I grab a quick errand run... Return about twenty

11 FEB 26

“WHO WANTS TATER TOTS?” Yali bellows with an enormous smile on his face before eight o'clock that morning... // “I don't have tater tots Yali”... but he's already moved on... “Mom did you see my newest weapons I've made for my movie?”... as

10 FEB 26

Dog barking and howling in the night... Oxbear releases her into the dark to investigate... she returns some time later and sprawls herself on the kitchen floor waiting for belly rubs as reward for her vigilance... ultimately seems more like the whole thing was just a ploy to get out

09 FEB 26

Yali's requesting The Fellowship of the Ring soundtrack for math class that morning... feeling pretty okay over Greatest Common Factors even if it's still math and for this young Colombiano-Americano math is the worst... Play therapy splits the day right down the middle between classes

08 FEB 26

It's not yet seven in the morning... thundering squirrel feet in the attic... again... great... A blur through church and Bible classes then sends us back again with a stop by the grocery store for ingredients for 7-layer dip which isn't actually for the Super

07 FEB 26

Yali's voice has dropped into the basement and a little lower by the morning... though the cough has been rescinded and he's already cooking new ideas for later in the day... But first... freestyle skiing during breakfast while Oxbear is gone shooting with pals... before we

06 FEB 26

“Man of Constant Sorrow” inexplicably twanging through my head before waking early that morning... as Oxbear lightly knocks around the house leaving for his 7AM men's meeting at church... During breakfast the Olympics are switched back on again about eighteen months later... curling preliminaries between the U.S.

05 FEB 26

Brushing on a little eye liner before eight o'clock that morning... hear Yali from down the hall trying to wake his sister for the hospital with the Aztec death whistle... Twenty minutes later he's thrown a black sports jacket over Puck's old NASA t-

04 FEB 26

Open the door that morning to Yali posing motionless crumpled against the front door in shredded jungle costuming and “even more realistic-looking fake blood!” carefully daubed on and around his nose... “Dino attack Yali?”... He nods almost imperceptibly to preserve the effect of a dead man recently tossed by

03 FEB 26

Blackbirds barking in the cedar trees over a bed of snow... steel sky still cold... Yali's snapping into a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos for breakfast... “Yali really?”... while Patience has extensive questions about demons and the occult... But we've also got to learn things about

02 FEB 26

The rodent death count continues to climb... there must be some kind of silent colony living in the basement walls or something... Cheese is looking smug over his self-assumed celebrity status and also looking much like he can't be bothered about anything else but the hunt... and

01 FEB 26

It's barely seven o'clock in the morning... while Yali pounds down the hall to the shower... I check on the mourning meowing of Puck's cat in the basement and find the treadmill running at about 0.5 miles per hour... no answers... maybe the

31 JAN 26

Oxbear returns from an early business meeting with a friend to scoop Yali off to the Derby... ...while Patience and I grab some hot breakfast sandwiches and wind the opposite direction to the studio for Patience's three hours of dance... she hops out in about a 1 degree

30 JAN 26

Day ten as a new recruit for Puck opens with a case of wanton murder in the living room... King Cheese has found... and destroyed... and it isn't pleasant... Puck has always suspected that his cat is a small part psychopath... or maybe he's just offering

29 JAN 26

Yali is in the kitchen wearing a black neck tie blowtorching his breakfast... there's still a welt on his nose from where he whacked it into a 3D-printed Stormtrooper helmet the other day... a few minutes later he's walking around with a sandwich that doesn&

28 JAN 26

Morning begins with the cat exploding out of our hanging clothes rack spooked by probably nothing at all... he's been looking for Puck everywhere apparently... And with his master's foreign campaign now five percent complete... we start another day under a crunch of frosting-white snow.

27 JAN 26

Yali's sneaking in a bowl of chocolate ice cream before eight AM... small I notice so as not to draw overt attention... Then he and Patience get busy barking at each other about sneezing on each other's breakfast as the dog follows behind them... trusty vacuum.

26 JAN 26

It's a massacre site that morning stepping into a cold living room... Puck's cat has... once again... been very very busy and the mouse guts strewn across the floor suggest that he was most successful most successful indeed... So while Oxbear cleans that up... and more

25 JAN 26

We're at about ten inches of fluff and quiet skies waking that morning... quiet streets too... Watching the recorded church service from Saturday night... Yali snuggles up next to me feeling a little blue... “Yali... what... why is your hair purple?”... Apparently he'd had some time

24 JAN 26

It's a fluffy sugar snow in the morning... precursor to a greater dumping in the night... Patience still squeezes in two hours at the studio before the roads start getting especially bad... And Oxbear gets a few bags of chips to split over the rest of the to-

23 JAN 26

While Puck is down at the fort beginning his second full day of Reception and all its random atrocities... Yali is full-pirate in the morning... it's an all-out drag-down slice-out one-man sword fight against himself with his saber and his aunt's

22 JAN 26

It's a busy night in cat land... Mr. Cheese maybe sensing that his boy is going to be gone for awhile... suddenly decides to embark on a great mouse hunt... he emerges from the dark and the night with not only one mouse... which Oxbear captures in an

21 JAN 26

They're practicing heavy bravery as big brother hikes on the Army backpack to walk out the door that morning... there's no time for long goodbyes according to military paperwork... so only I will bring him to the office for drop-off... hugs for each of them

20 JAN 26

A 3.8 earthquake just over in Illinois didn't wake any of us in the middle of the night like it did some St. Louisans... Instead everyone is up-and-busy... ...Patience binging the Gardiner brothers on Youtube shorts... ...Yali talking to his snake... “Justin... I need your

19 JAN 26

It's another squirrel party in the attic early that morning... and a surprising amount of songbirds for an hour that is only fourteen degrees with the sun fully up... With Oxbear off work all week and it being a holiday anyway... the kids are free for fun... and

18 JAN 26

It is unnecessarily cold that morning... shades raised to iced windows... Kids charge up after the church service with cups of hot cocoa before running across the frozen parking lot to Sunday School... Oxbear is called away that afternoon to friends in town from Texas... so while he's

17 JAN 26

Four-thirty alarm... Forty-five minutes later a clean slingshot down 70 towards KC... Patience snoozes the first two hours as a band of cream floats behind us in the east... rising sun stutters into a sky of dark lavender filled with blitzing snow flurries... blasting us further west... In

16 JAN 26

Yali is busy with Makerspace projects and the History Museum with a friend that morning... ...while Patience challenges Puck to... “AN ARM WRESTLE!”... “An arm wrestle... really?” “YES!” Every round ends in a full Puck victory with no more effort than a tap of energy... but he is amused all

15 JAN 26

Yali's standing at the side of my bed early that morning holding the skin closed over a slice in his finger... “Need a band-aid Yali?” **nods**... 3D-printer injuries are a real thing... Half an hour later he's sitting with Patience over sheets of equivalent

14 JAN 26

“I had a Christmas dream last night...” Patience is explaining cheerfully to me while preparing a plate of eggs and chopped salad for her dad's breakfast... “I was competing against the Grinch in Irish dance!”... Blink and both parties have returned from play therapy and school volunteering shifts

13 JAN 26

Patience is explaining her most recent dream to me as she usually does in the first moments of the morning... “And the penguin was wearing a name tag!”... ...as Yali sleepily joins the table for a cream cheese bagel sandwich as he zip-ties a 3D-printed knife wrapped in

12 JAN 26

Pushing through prime numbers that morning... Yali is distracted staring at his mutated reflection in a socket wrench... **snicker snicker**... I need to leave the table for a few minutes... “Guys... no fighting... I'll be right back... just start working on the next section”... they nod like it&

11 JAN 26

Sun-rinsed morning driving to church in a nineteen degree windchill... Patience starts giggling in the pew when Vicar H asks the tiny tots during his children's sermon illustration if he would still be married if he removed his wedding ring... “NOPE!” one of the tots yells out.

10 JAN 26

Waking to a six-thirty alarm following dreams of an angry mallard the size of an elephant... Plate a hot breakfast for Puck already in his APFU for a morning drill down in Forest Park... He is delivered in a cold cold rain that turns a little slushy as I

09 JAN 26

Kids are pouring bowls of Froot Loops before math that morning... Yali's snake already out exploring the terrain under Yali's watchful hand... Math is sort of rolling along... until Yali's answer to every problem becomes “Noah's Ark”... And by the time he

08 JAN 26

Field tripping to Rockwoods late in the morning... all three kids toted in the van with me as they hop out under smoky skies and a whisper of rain in the west... Yali reads the sign at the beginning of the 3.25 mile Lime Kiln Trail... “Keep pets on

07 JAN 26

Adding mixed numbers is going so-so for the kids that morning... Oxbear is in the kitchen packing jars of homemade pickled onions looking like pink and white marble under glass... This activity is apparently more interesting than mixed numbers so the kids eventually meander in where Yali begins sticking

06 JAN 26

Kids are bulldozing through a bag of mini marshmallows that morning... ...while Puck... having freshly completed another work-out in the basement... lights matches and tosses them at his brother... “HAHAHA!” Yali laughs and dodges the flaming missiles... “Boys...” But they're busy waving boffer sticks and electrical cords

05 JAN 26

Walls glowing in an early red sunrise... smell of beans soaking in jars in the kitchen... Breakfast hasn't been served yet and on this twelfth day of Christmas Yali is already wailing on his cardboard and metallic-tape electric guitar... fingers flying along thumbtack frets... It's

04 JAN 26

Gold splash through pale glass of Jerusalem light that Epiphany Sunday service... An hour later Yali about falls asleep on his folded arms resting on the table in the fellowship hall during a presentation on LCMS missions around the world... Early afternoon and Puck is coasting snow-packed slopes with

03 JAN 26

Yali is detailing zombie gore to me that morning pre-breakfast... he's already wearing a lovingly crafted war-torn costume and a yellow bandana rolled and tied around his forehead and he's ready for more of it... Meanwhile little sister is ensconced in nail supplies and

02 JAN 26

“Where are the tongs?” Oxbear calls over the sizzle of bacon and wintry jazz on the Alexa... “I think they were commandeered for the snake pit...” Yali's gotta get those worms in there somehow... So while Oxbear short order cooks some breakfast for everyone without tongs... ...we all

01 JAN 26

Swapping in a new metaphorical calendar begins with Oxbear chasing that putrid smell in the storage room that we haven't yet been able to identify in recent weeks... the source of it that is... so while he's busy playing bloodhound for awhile... ...the boys are feeling

31 DEC 25

Waking to dishwater skies... New Year's Eve plans changed due to unconfirmed flu... Mama's day is mostly obtaining and running back and forth between the boys... tea croissants eye drops more croissants Froot Loops cushions blankets Babybels penne pasta sewing requests Advil heating pads Vicks VapoRub

30 DEC 25

Both boys groggily open New Years Eve-Eve to probably the flu which left Puck shaking in the chills the previous night... somehow this doesn't fully keep them from bothering their sister though... ...who has taken advantage of her temporary reign over the house and is lounging on

29 DEC 25

Wind is wild in the night... something hits the window hard but leaves no cracks... Some watches pass and the squirrels are back in the attic in some kind of domestic argument that leaves them chittering angrily at each other still some two hours later... Puck and I are on

28 DEC 25

On a day that will swing from 78 degrees to 17 overnight... ...and we're not minutes out of the church service before “someone” has left the words “HELLFIRE CLUB” Sharpied on my hand-carved floor mirror from India... “Yali?” // “I'm SORRY!”... That can be figured out

27 DEC 25

Heavy mist stamped on cool dark earth that morning... heavy enough to obscure the Missouri as we cross over to St. Charles County for Christmas Number Five... It's a merry pop of activity throughout the morning and afternoon with all present except for Z&M over in

26 DEC 25

After Patience has spent almost an hour curling and spraying her hair for Christmas Number Four... ...most of us zip north to New Town where most of the aunts and uncles and cousins have already arrived for coolers of “BLUE DRINKS!” for the kids (aka Kool-Aid bottles) and catered

25 DEC 25

We're not even to gifts yet that morning and Yali is already giving a punch-by-punch slice-by-slice of his own version of a horror film for me... Twenty minutes later it's breakfast casserole around the Christmas tree and stacks of bento boxes and

24 DEC 25

Giggle giggle... giggle giggle... it's early... but not really that early because it's Christmas Eve and parents should be able to sleep a little later sometimes... giggle giggle... giggle giggle... “SHHHHHH!! THEY CAN'T KNOW WE'RE HERE!!”... an aggressive whisper from Oxbear'

23 DEC 25

It's mid-morning and a wad of flaming paper towel coasts through the air towards one of my book stacks on the dinner table... I catch it in time... “Yali! Why?”... **shrugs guiltily** “I don't know”... Kids need to run around outdoors for awhile... scoop them

22 DEC 25

Morning breaks in a crack of light across the East... what looks very much like the fissure of space-time in Amy Pond's bedroom wall... Half an hour later Puck is in the kitchen waiting for his cream cheese bagel sandwich discussing historical adaptive intelligence... “If you brought

21 DEC 25

A cold morning waits... ...rolling out the door to church... cold slices of pizza for the short road... my sweater still smells of woodsmoke... Yali wrapping his knuckles in masking tape like a boxer for no very clear reason... Oxbear teases Patience about 3D-printing his face onto medallions for

20 DEC 25

While Patience is up saying goodbye to the studio for the next sixteen days of Christmas break... ...Oxbear has been busy chasing two squirrels out of the attic and sealing up the gaps... and probably their entire acorn pantry... ...and Yali is just as busy sharing with me in detail

19 DEC 25

“Open this!” Patience declares... dropping a shiny silver package almost on my head around seven o'clock that morning... “Happy birthday!” Oxbear adds... ...as I peel back the paper to reveal Patience's gift which she chose herself off my list... a pair of panda slippers... since the